enJOY it

an archived personal and craft blog from Elise Blaha Cripe.

around here.

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I took the photo above of a door at my local print shop. Here's a link to the artist!

This week I had one of those days. Those days that come out of nowhere and have me questioning everything I'm doing.

NO SERIOUSLY. WHAT AM I DOING? How am I trying to part-time this very full-time job? How do I think I can take Tuesdays and Thursdays off?! What about the emails? The emails keep coming in. The contracts need to be signed. The proofs need approval. The checks need to go out the door. Nobody cares that it's Tuesday. Nobody cares that your kid chose today as a non-nap day. Also, why did you decide no bread for 30 days was a good idea? Wouldn't a PB&J on toasted sourdough taste amazing right about now as everything comes crashing down? Also, can you please sign this?

I'm exaggerating. Sort of. On the real problems vs. pretend problems spectrum, my crap is so very far to the right. I know. I know it's all good. I know I can wait a day. I know "they" can wait a day. I know Ellerie will nap again. I know Paul will eventually come home from work and help out. I know that peanut butter is always an option and the return to bread will be triumphant.

But sometimes you're spiraling and even the dumbest stuff starts feeling really effing difficult.

And that was my Tuesday.

When I lamented a bit on Instagram Wednesday morning, I got a lot of really sweet comments of the "oh mama, I hear you and I've been there before" variety which is just the greatest. It's wonderful to remember we're all in this together. I also got a few of the "thanks for admitting that you struggle with this" comments. To those I say:

YOU GUYS. OH MAN. I struggle all the time. Just because I don't file it neatly into my Instagram grid doesn't mean I am not constantly looking for the groove that works for our family. And just when the groove does seem to click in to place, the record skips and the business changes or Ellerie changes or Paul's schedule changes or a large appliance breaks and we have to re-find our rhythm. The only thing I can count on is that as soon as I find a groove I'll shortly be looking for a new one.

But as I have made way too clear over the years, I chose this and continue to choose it every day. Even when it feels hard. Even when I am crying and sweating the middle of a bank on a Tuesday afternoon and I have no idea what the point of all this is, I'd pick it again.

And again. And again.

And I'm rooting for you too. Keep choosing what's working. Keep working on your choices.

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30 responses to “around here.”

  1. Sue C Avatar
    Sue C

    I have a little sign that says “Don’t wallow – KEEP MOVING!” I find that as long as I keep moving, I can stay positive. I can push through the crap. I hear you – we are fortunate that we the choices to make.

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  2. Caroline Avatar
    Caroline

    Oh my! I dont have a kid yet, but I know exactly how you feel.
    I study architecture and sometimes it    s really really hard and I ask myself why am I doing this?
    Later when I work as an architect, life wont be easier.
    But as you say, we are all struggling! No matter what you do, there are always hard times. But that are just phases. Next week it will be better, you    ll see 🙂
    I wish you a good and relaxing weekend!

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  3. Paula Avatar
    Paula

    Stay strong mama!
    As a stay at home mom who is returning to her job teaching junior high in the fall I feel the same stress you do. I have no idea how I am going to juggle being a mama/teacher/wife and get everything done. Your blog has helped me so much over the past year and I look forward to your new posts every day as I drink that first cup of coffee (which is always the best!).
    It is so nice to know that we all struggle with balancing everything and it’s ok when life gets a little bit messy. That’s why I love your blog as you create such beautiful things even though life can be crazy sometimes. Keep it up! I’m rooting for you too!

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  4. melissa Avatar
    melissa

    Balance is tough. Juggling is tough. Sometimes is easier to fall into the madness rather than struggle for the groove. I crave consistency in my life but between working out of the home full time, sharing custody of my kiddo, being in a long distance relationship and carving time to work out four times a week, it’s just not possible. Sunday nights as I sit and try and prep for the week ahead I used to get crushed with the stress of the unknown. Now I am learning to take it day by day; it’s easier recognizing that some days will be easy and others will be a slap in the face.
    Hugs Mama!! You’re doing great, and you’ve got the fight in you! ❤

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  5. Ines Teles Avatar
    Ines Teles

    ❤ Thanks for sharing Elise!

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  6. Ali @ Anything You Want Avatar
    Ali @ Anything You Want

    So great that you’re able to share these feelings. I feel this way all the time – those days when one thing after another seems to go wrong and you just can’t get yourself back on track. It is so frustrating, but you seem to be very good at keeping it in perspective.

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  7. Michelle Avatar
    Michelle

    Sending you all the love!

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  8. Gerilyn Larsen Avatar
    Gerilyn Larsen

    Yes, yes, yes. I have had a bad week too. Perhaps it was astrological. I try to remember that all of “this crap” is fun. I also chose this. Keep on keepin’ on.

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  9. Jane B. Avatar
    Jane B.

    Elise, I love how real you are. Thank you for reminding ME that we are all in this together — we’re never alone. I have a gorgeous canvas print in the heart of my home that says: everything is as it should be. It is my constant reminder that I’m exactly where I need to be, feeling exactly the emotions I need to be feeling, learning exactly the lessons I need to be learning IN. THIS. MOMENT. Keep the faith, Girl. — Jane

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  10. Stacy Avatar
    Stacy

    Oh man Elise! I’ve been there… often!! Glad you made it through that rough patch. I appreciate your transparency. It’s yet another reason I enjoy your blog. All too often bloggers make their lives seem so perfect. Thanks for keeping it real!

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  11. Anna Avatar
    Anna

    I love this, and your emphasis on choosing, so much. It reminds me of when I first started reading your blog in 2012 and your one little word was choose – those are some of my favorite posts. Keep on keeping on!

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  12. Anne Linn Avatar
    Anne Linn

    Oh Elise. You are my spirit animal. Rooting right back at ya!

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  13. tara Avatar
    tara

    This is why I love reading your blog. You are honest. Doesn’t it feel so good to know that we are all in this together? Here’s to the weekend!

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  14. kelly libby Avatar
    kelly libby

    Wow.
    This is awesome. i’m having an emotional few days dealing…or trying to deal… with a miserable landlord who REFUSES to install a smoke detector in my 1890’s (ie: OLD and WOOD and probably not build to standard building code) apartment and threatens to evict anybody anytime we have a legit safety concern. hellooo, FIRES!!!!. She texts me incessantly, calls screaming, comes by banging and banging on my door. Finally, i had to call the city. Crazy, right.
    And, I was one of two women narrowed down for a really amazing nanny job that I really wanted and thought would be a perfect fit for me. Nice parents, sweet new baby, great money, great although long hours, start date right when my current position ends.
    “They loved meeting me. Said my references were excellent. And, that i’d be a PERFECT fit for their family…but they chose somebody else and want to call on me in the future”. And they sent it last night, by EMAIL, at 11 p.m.
    Um. What??!!
    So, i got to work today and was like, “ugh. I cannot read “my” blogs today. I just can’t deal with their perfect worlds”. But, I love your blog. I read it EVERY morning while eating breakfast. It’s my morning routine. And, I’m so so so glad I did.
    Thanks for sharing that you struggle,too.

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  15. Ali Avatar
    Ali

    Ebb and flow, sister, ebb and flow.

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  16. Astrid Avatar
    Astrid

    Hi Elise,
    I grew up with this music, so I just thought I’d let you know something about Thom Yorke.
    Thom Yorke is the lead singer of Radiohead, a very popular 90’s alternative band. They have many albums and are still releasing albums, although their music became a lot less accessable to me later on (As in: very alternative, I didn’t like it much)
    You might know them from: “creep” or “Karma police”, and I bet their music has been used in lots of movies. street spirit is my favorite number.
    They have excellent clips, you should check them out.Specially street spirit!
    Bye, Astrid

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  17. julia Avatar
    julia

    all i have to say to this is AMEN! now that i’m a mom, i really understand the “the only constant is change” saying!

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  18. Katie Avatar
    Katie

    Boy do I get this. We are expecting our first in Decemeber and we woodwork on the side of our full time jobs. Well, we just found out that we are losing our workshop (which was supposed to pay for childcare come February). In addition to that we found out that child care is going to cost more than our rent. Now we aren’t sure where we are going to live when the baby arrives because of all of these expenses. So needless to say, I am hormonal, having a minor meltdown, and just completely get feeling like everything is falling apart. Sending you virtual hugs!

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  19. Ami McMullen Avatar
    Ami McMullen

    Girl, preach. One day at a time. Some days better than others.
    #shoutout Fellow San Diego, self-employed blogger!

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  20. LisaF Avatar
    LisaF

    Oh, these words. Much needed. We all struggle, but not everyone has the courage to put them out there! Mine often get written down in my Get To Work Book, to be used in later, longer essays about life as a deaf person in a hearing world. Thanks for sharing — and have a fab weekend!

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  21. lisa valinsky Avatar
    lisa valinsky

    Life can be so hard sometimes, and I totally know how it feels to be overwhelmed by things that feel trivial. Or knowing that I have a damn good life but sometimes I still have hard days. Days that I’m in a funk because I feel like I have too much on my plate, or days that I’m tired because I keep getting insomnia in this stage of pregnancy.
    But yes. We are all in this crazy, busy world together. Wishing you a great weekend.

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  22. Marina Avatar
    Marina

    Elise you have a beautiful and quiet way of motivating encouraging all of us to be our best selves. Thank you for your vulnerability. ❤

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  23. Ashley Avatar
    Ashley

    You’re the bee’s knees, Elise.

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  24. Tee Avatar
    Tee

    “Nobody cares that your kid chose today as a non-nap day” could not ring more true. I do 30 hours of web design at home a week and fit it in during afternoon naps and bedtime. It’s rough. Clients don’t care that you got their site done on 4 cups of coffee at 3am. But it’s a balance and thank you as always for displaying that it’s everyone.

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  25. Shelbie Avatar
    Shelbie

    Hang in there!! It gets better. 🙂 I have a random question for you. Where do you find fun scrapbooking goodness in San Diego? I’m down visiting and my favorite spot closed. Boo. Thanks and I hope your day has been fantastic!!

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  26. Christine K Avatar
    Christine K

    I love the fact that you, Cathy, and Ali are “keeping it real” out here in blogland. 🙂

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  27. Michelle Avatar
    Michelle

    I read this earlier Elise but I didn’t comment bc I didn’t have anything worth saying.
    Except. I read it, and I feel for you, and I hope you feel better today.

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  28. Kelsey Avatar
    Kelsey

    Thank you for sharing honestly – and you are not alone! I recently opted to have an additional day of care for one of my sons because I need the work time. I stressed about it but as soon as I did it felt relief. He’s happy, I’m happy. Never be afraid to admit you need help and to seek out just the help you need (someone to come start dinner, someone to help you with shipping, etc.). And remember that nothing has to be permanent – get extra care for a month and see how it goes, it’s a constant adjustment.

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  29. Amy B Avatar
    Amy B

    I think you should make a print of what you said in italics…the only thing I can count on…

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  30. Mia Scharphie Avatar
    Mia Scharphie

    Oh man I’ve been there and I don’t even have a baby! …and about that check 🙂

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