enJOY it

an archived personal and craft blog from Elise Blaha Cripe.

Workathommama

So, of course, this is just the beginning. I am about three and a half months into being a mom and only about ten weeks into trying to work from home and raise a kiddo. My job is always changing (more on this in a future post, I'm sure) but right now entails developing content for and maintaining this blog, freelance writing and design projects, new product, workshop and eCourse development and shop maintenance. What is currently working for my family probably will not be working for us in six months. It might not be working in six days. But I can stress out over what is to come or embrace what is happening now and it seems more productive to do the latter.

Here are a few things that I have found to be helpful so far:

Keep reasonable to-do lists and set realistic deadlines. I can't turn things around at the same pace that I could before Ellerie. That's a fact. For my own projects, I triple the amount of time that would have usually given myself. An example is the Quilt eCourse which popped into my head the last week of August. I set the goal to have it listed on my website by October 1. That gave me 30 days (or 30 naps so about 90 hours) of time which felt "realistic" to me. (Pre-baby it would have still taken me 90 hours, but I would have most likely packed those 90 hours into one or two weeks.) For projects that I am delivering for others, I am honest about the commitment that I can give and in the timeframe that I can give it. The goal is to have enough time that I can execute without sacrificing sleep or too much family time.

Know the difference between asleep tasks & awake tasks. While Ellerie is awake I can prep dinner, fold laundry, run errands, go for walks, tidy up, take photos and take a shower (she sits in her boppy near the bathroom and I actually enjoy slightly longer showers this way because I can see her and know she's doing well). I cannot write blog posts, do computer work, sew, read, enjoy a meal or start messy/involved projects. These items are bound to change as she grows, but right now I know what works and do not spend time while she's sleeping doing "awake tasks" or attempt "asleep tasks" while she's awake.

Don't do quick tasks slowly. Just because I can write blog posts or respond to emails on my phone doesn't mean I should. It's crazy to spend 10 minutes addressing an email with one hand while holding Ellerie when I could spend just two minutes doing the same task later while sitting at my computer keyboard. I'm better off using that "holding baby time" to actually enjoy holding the baby and/or letting my mind wander.

Make your workspace work. I am about to embark on a major office overhaul. Right now, the space that I work in everyday is a disaster zone. I set it up without much thought when we moved in, figuring that after I had the baby I'd have a better idea of what my job was going to look like. Now I know what my job looks like and where I want it to go and I need a space that is much more organized so when I am in my office I am not wasting time in the piles of clutter. Getting it reorganized over the next few months is a huge priority.

Ask for help. Three out of five weekdays I think to myself "I need help." The other two days I think to myself "No seriously, I need help." 😉 Without a doubt, my job is the "when something's gotta give, it gives" job. Paul can't just "show up late" when I need more time to work in the morning. He can't just "take a day off" when the baby needs extra attention. I can't pretend like this doesn't frustrate me, but I am working to swallow my passive-aggressive sighs and speak up when I need the help. Sometimes it means Paul takes Ellerie for three hours on a Sunday morning while I lock myself in the office and crank through it. Sometimes it's a random Thursday night where I know having just one uninterrupted hour would really make a difference. Sometimes it's about arranging Grandparent visits (which would be happening anyway) around when I have a big deadline. Ask for help. Specifically say what you need from your partner or parents or friends or sitter or boss or whatever. Put it out there, don't just stew in it.

Adjust the schedule. Pre-baby, I woke up on my own time frame between 7-8 and spent the morning enjoying my breakfast then plowed through my to-do list. I was usually done with my "have-tos" (emails, blog post writing, packing orders, etc) by early afternoon and was then free to do whatever I wanted around the house or work-wise. Post-baby, I wake up early to an alarm in order to still get in that "breakfast" time before Ellerie is up. This quiet alone time in the morning is essential for me and well worth the bit of lost sleep. Sometimes I am able to get to a few work "have-tos" but usually, Ellerie is ready to be up before I can sit at my computer. This means my prime working hours end up being in the early afternoon during her nap and I am often not able to clear my to-do list until late in the day. This was stressful for me early on but after recognizing the pattern I am working to adjust accordingly.

Respect the ebb and flow. Some days are not great: Ellerie is fussy and doesn't want to nap, my printer refuses to print during the one hour I have to work, the Internet is spotty and I legitimately fear that I might drown in a sea of spit up. Other days are phenomenal: Ellerie naps for four hours straight, she's content and adorable while awake, I cross items off my list quickly, I come up with a Great Idea and outline an action plan for getting it accomplished. Neither of these days are normal but both happen on occasion. I am learning to respect them for what they are. The hard day is going to pass; tomorrow will be better. And the amazing day is amazing, and needs to be appreciated, but it too will pass. I can't base any business OR motherhood decisions off what happens on the best or the worst days – they are outliers (if they weren't we would for sure have a live-in nanny and/or one million dollars by now).

(OH MAN, this is such a long post. I just read though it again and tried to edit it down and found myself adding MORE text and the hilarious thing is that I feel like I could still go on and on.)

What I have learned in three months is that with patience and organization and adjustments it's sort of possible (I have a feeling 2014 will be the year I finally need an assistant and/or part time help watching Ellerie). I am working hard these days but am feeling so fulfilled.

semi-related reading :

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51 responses to “how I am learning to “balance” work & mamahood.”

  1. Pink Ronnie Avatar

    Wonderful written, as always, Elise! Having read this, I’m encouraged to stop procrastinating and get cranking on this deadline.
    Ronnie xo

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  2. Pink Ronnie Avatar

    p.s. I see so much of myself in you. Our work patterns/habits are so similar in many ways. It really does change from week to week (or day to day like you say) when you’re a mama who works from home, but embracing the present is definitely the key! Okay, must stop procrastinating now. xo

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  3. Pink Ronnie Avatar

    p.p.s. Sorry, I will stop spamming your comments section in the next minute but this is the first time I’ve been able to leave a comment on your blog in months! YAY! Not sure why Typepad has been barring me recently… 🙂

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  4. Liz Avatar

    So wish you would keep going on and on. I love this post (and your blog for that matter). You and your family are just beautiful!

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  5. Jen Avatar

    This. Exactly this. I am on baby number 2 (she is about a week or so younger than Ellerie) and it feels so much easier the second time around. There are a number if reasons for this, but definitely a big part of it is that I’ve learned to just respect the days for what they are and not try to do more than is realistically possible. I work outside the home, and with baby #1 I felt so much pressure to fully experience this year off (yay Canada for giving me a year…even if it means I get paid peanuts!) that I completely stressed out about not doing “enough” and had lots of bad days feeling like I wasn’t doing “enough”. Now that I understand to just appreciate the rhythm of life with baby and take it as and when it comes, it is so much better. Love your blog – you could go on and on and I don’t think anyone would mind!

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  6. Miriam molloy Avatar
    Miriam molloy

    Love this. I’m a 2nd time mom. (2.5 year old and 6mo old) You have a solid grasp on what can be accomplished when-something I still struggle with. And you are right, things will continue to evolve. Enjoy that. It is what I’ve come to love about motherhood.

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  7. VA Avatar
    VA

    Not a mom, but my husband and I are making some (very wonderful! but very stressful!) life changes at the moment, which means my routine — which grounded me and made me super-productive — is shot to hell. It’s good for me to remember that upheaval is just an inevitable part of life for everyone, not just me, and it’s best to embrace it as much as I can.

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  8. Kathy Avatar

    Yep, tweaking and adjusting is the name of the game and some weeks that could happen once a week, once a day or a few times in one day. There are things that work effectively while Ellerie is in the one spot (ie on the mat or her swing) that when she starts to crawl may not work as she will be all over the house but as you have come to learn that change is the name of the game. I’m sure a lot of new mum’s will find your post very helpful and that they will feel that they are not alone. Regards Kathy A, Brisbane, Australia

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  9. Janell (Nell's Vintage House) Avatar

    Great post. As a work at home mama of a 6 month old, a lot of this feels spot on. I need to remind myself about not doing quick tasks slowly. I get sucked into that one far too often.
    And help- yes! We have decided that in order for this family to function at it’s full potential I need (non dad) help 1x a week. It’s hard not to feel guilty and lazy, like I’m letting down the world of moms who have forged this path before me and made it work, but I’ve got to let that wash off my back and do what I know is going to make me a better mom and wife for my guys.- Mom guilt, it’s the worst.
    *also, it’s early and we had a rough sleep night over here, I think I might have already posted…so if you are approving comments and you see 2 from me, please choose to only approve 1. Thanks 🙂

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  10. Julia Avatar

    Love this. I work from home and am expecting a baby is just 8ish weeks! I have no idea how I’m going to manage work and child care after he arrives, I’ve just been operating under the blind assumption that it IS possible to take care of an infant and do a bit of work throughout the day, so it’s great to read about how you are managing at this point in time.

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  11. robyn Avatar

    Yes. Yes. YES. I wish I was as clear on my role as a work-at-home mama when Owen was as young as Ellerie! I feel like I’m still figuring out how to “do it all” with Owen two! flagging this post for when our little Sophie is born in February and I have a whole new set of challenges added into the mix!
    I love your honesty and openness here – gives me courage to see you being courageous! You are rocking it, lady!!!

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  12. elise blaha Avatar

    I am so glad it’s working again! I kept seeing your kind comments in my spam folder! No good. Hopefully they work forever now. Thanks Ronnie.

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  13. Hannah Avatar

    I love this. Even though I don’t have a baby and I have no idea how challenging it must be, I think these points are great ones for anyone having to make a big adjustment whether for health, familial or life changes. ESPECIALLY the don’t do quick tasks slow. It makes a massive difference.
    You are such an inspiration, I am happy that you write about not only the tribulation of motherhood but also the trial.
    Thank you.
    Hannah
    http://www.thelemonhive.com

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  14. Jen @ Cuddles and Chaos Avatar

    This is honestly the BEST post on balancing working at home and mommahood that I’ve ever read. So many golden nuggets that are so true that I had never thought of in the way that you put them out there. THANK YOU!

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  15. JC Carter Avatar

    Would a remote intern interest you? If so i would like to offer my services.

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  16. anka Avatar

    You make it sound so simple. You are just amazing!

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  17. Lucy Avatar

    Not a mom, but I did want to chime in and say that I really love all the thoughts you post on balance with working at home. It’s calm, realistic, and super refreshing compared to the mainstream media’s “having it all” mentality/debate right now. So, thanks. 🙂

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  18. Brittany Avatar
    Brittany

    I always feel very inspired because of how honest you are. Also, I like the remote intern idea! 🙂

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  19. Michelle Avatar

    Hey I like the long posts. I enjoy reading. It was interesting even though I will never have a baby and I have always worked outside the home and always will.

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  20. Kate Avatar
    Kate

    Elise, You are self aware and have so much darn common sense. Reading your posts is an absolute pleasure! I’m 31 weeks pregnant and work from home (although it’s not creative work,) and I am encouraged when I read posts like this from you. Thanks for putting all this out there. “Know the difference between asleep tasks and awake tasks,” is simple genius!

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  21. creole wisdom Avatar

    I love this. I feel like, God willing, this will probably be similar to what I do someday. I don’t know many WAHMs so it’s helpful to read what you’ve done to make it possible. You’re doing it in an authentic and graceful way and that’s admirable!

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  22. kris Avatar
    kris

    You will see over the next few years her schedule will continue to change and you will adapt with these changes. Those first year can be so wonderful and yet so difficult. Very important to carve out some alone time for yourself.
    My sons are now 12 and 16 such busy kids with sports and friends often out…now I love when they are home…..life is funny.

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  23. Marcia Avatar
    Marcia

    I love your lists, and that you’re using this blog space as a resource tool for others while you’re in this transition time.

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  24. cinback Avatar

    Balance is key. It sounds like you have got a plan and that is what will keep you on course. I have raised two daughters all the while working full-time outside of the home. So many of your strategies are ones that worked for me too. Good on you for being determined to balance both mothering and working. They are both important.

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  25. Marina D-K Avatar
    Marina D-K

    Love this post. You are an amazing mommy! 2nd time mom here (5.5yo and 5.5mo old) this time around I am staying home so I am much more able to follow her schedule though a lot of our afternoon schedule is dictated by my older daughters activities. It has been hard for me to find a rhythm in staying at home without feeling like a failure that the house isn’t always spotless (we had house cleaners when I was working FT) but it’s just something I have to accept. Thank you for sharing these lovely little glimpses into your life. You just seem to be able to roll with and balance everything so easily.

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  26. Melissa Sharp Avatar

    You are truly an inspiration, Elise. Even for an old bat like me, with four kids, the oldest in middle school. I wish I “knew” you back when I was first having babies.

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  27. kelley@saidkelley.com Avatar

    this is fabulous. as a stay at home mom trying to build a business to keep staying home these tips were so helpful! THANKS!

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  28. Kellie Winnell Avatar

    I loved reading this and all the advice given is amazing!

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  29. Sandra Avatar
    Sandra

    I have a 17yr old and 20 year old now. As I read your recent posts, I just smile and say, yup, been there done that. Just relax. (I know, stale, but so true). In hindsight, I can offer what I’ve come to learn – you will miss all this. All this will pass. In relation to your whole life, this is just a blip. Your #1 job is Ellerie and the other job, though it pays the bill, is not your main job. Enjoy her now. Work around her. You’ll be glad you did.

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  30. Dawn Gross Avatar
    Dawn Gross

    Wish I would have read this 20 years ago when I had my 1st son. Great post! I’m interested in hearing how you keep all your to do lists/goals organized?
    Darling little girl. I’m enjoying watching her grow so quickly.

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  31. Alice Avatar

    I really love your posts like this. They offer me such an education on how to make work, life and kids blend together. I have 2 kids, 6 and 3, and have been reading your blog for about 3 years. What I admired at first was your work ethic and dedication to doing what you love for a living. I was curious to see what happened after you became a mother. It was a really hard for me (PPD) but it is enlightening to read what it is like for someone else. I learn so much from you and thank you for sharing.

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  32. dianne Avatar
    dianne

    I am many years removed from the new mom thing, but just wanted to take a moment to tell you that your blog posts tug at my heart and just fill me with such great memories of my time with my babies. I wished a lot of it away as I struggled with trying to be all things all the time. Reading about your time with your little love and seeing the connection you have in all of your photos is so inspiring – thank you for sharing this with us.

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  33. Chrisy@GoodNorthCoastLife Avatar

    🙂 @ you from Australia.
    To me l found the key was to just give in to the fact that days were different, that time was different, that everything was now different…what l could do before, l couldn’t do the same way after my daughter was born. It felt like that took me a while to grasp, like l almost had to be broken by it before l realised.
    To a highly organised person, who liked routine, goals, to do lists, worked full time out…. this was a hard adjustment. But l got there, and it looks like you have too 🙂

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  34. kelly Avatar
    kelly

    Great post! I am so glad I discovered your blog. I am in a totally different phase now as my job as a nanny has been cut back to part time as the children I’ve been with full time for the past two plus years have now started school during the day. I have so much “free time” I don’t know what the hell to do with it all. I know many people wish for that kind of time but it’s not exactly the blessing it would seem. I liked my schedule. So, now, I’m in the “where do I start” which gets paralyzing for me. Your three things list has been helpful. Keep writing! You’re great! : )

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  35. Kayla Aimee Avatar

    Yep. I think the going got tough when we dropped to one nap. Then it was like “THAT IS ALL THE TIME I HAVE” unless I do early mornings too b/c we get so little time with J due to his work that I hate to work when he is home. The good news is, you learn to be super, super, super efficient. And good at multitasking. I’m eating gingersnaps and editing photos as I type this 😉

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  36. Susan Avatar

    Recently began working outside the home full time while still homeschooling and everything else that involves home and craft and blogging and except for work and homeschooling and home the craft and blogging has been sorely lacking. Your words really hit the spot and maybe the motivation I’ve needed. Balance is the key and what I need to find.

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  37. TracieClaiborne Avatar

    Awesome post! I’ve been interested to see how you would manage the whole WAHM thing because you truly are one of the most productive individuals I’ve ever known of. I’ve always admired that about you! Glad to see you’re finding your groove and reminding us all that balance is key. I work full-time from home while homeschooling my 13 year old daughter. Some days I suck at being a Mom and some days I suck at work but mostly I suck at keeping my house clean but something’s gotta give sometimes! And next time, please go on and on! We all love to hear what you have to say!

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  38. Cynthia H Avatar

    Just have to say this is so so awesome. Thank you for sharing.

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  39. Amanda Avatar

    One of the last parts of this post made me think of a quote I actually just sent to a friend today:
    “Tomorrow will be better.”
    “But what if it’s not?” I asked.
    “Then you say it again tomorrow. Because it might be. You never know, right? At some point, tomorrow will be better.”
    ― Morgan Matson, Amy and Roger’s Epic Detour

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  40. Amanda Avatar

    And this one:
    “Have courage for the great sorrows of life and patience for the small ones; and when you have laboriously accomplished your daily task, go to sleep in peace. God is awake.” ― Victor Hugo”

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  41. elise blaha Avatar

    thank you! I haven’t quite figured out what sort of help I’ll need but I think it may need to be in person. I’ll be sure to put a call out my blog if I decided to go virtual though. 🙂

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  42. Samantha Avatar

    I always love your posts and feel like there’s so much to take away from them. I’ve had a really hard time lately setting up a routine and being able to get things accomplished, but you’re such an inspiration and the way you’re able to write out and explain things so well that resonates. Thanks for being such an awesome blogger!

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  43. Fiona Avatar

    I just love your attitude to life, Elise, and your willingness to adjust and change things as you go along. It’s just so inspiring! Thanks for sharing these tips, which are so very relevant for me, even though our life situations are different.

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  44. Naomi Avatar

    It’s clear from reading your posts and the comments that everybody takes something different from what you write. We apply your musings to our own lives and find insights, inspiration and strategies for change. You have a real talent for writing in a way that encourages this, so thank you.

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  45. Lori Avatar
    Lori

    I am a WAHM as well, so this was particularly great for me to read. The nugget of wisdom I most appreciated and plan to apply to my life is, “It’s crazy to spend 10 minutes addressing an email with one hand while holding Ellerie…” YES! I am often trying to figure out ways to multi-task the time I spend nursing (sometimes out of necessity), but if I’m being really honest, it probably takes 3 times longer than it should and does a disservice to my baby.
    Thanks for the thoughtful post!

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  46. Keshet.starr@gmail.com Avatar

    Love this post. ANd it’s so wise that you realize how much it changes–what works now may not work later, etc. I’ve also found that as my baby grows up (she’s now 20 month!) the “asleep” and “awake” tasks change a lot. They don’t get better or worse, just change. Now that baby #2 is on the way, it will be a whole new balancing act:)

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  47. Sunday Avatar

    There are so many great points here! I don’t have a baby, but I’ve been using your ‘just get three things done’ strategy and love it. Totally achievable and feel good (and anything extra is just a massive bonus!) Thanks Elise!

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  48. belinda Avatar
    belinda

    Great ‘aha moments…thank you for something I can take with me!!

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  49. Sarah Avatar

    This is wonderful. You are dealing with the same issues I (and a zillion others) have dealt with, and I love hearing your perspective.

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