enJOY it

an archived personal and craft blog from Elise Blaha Cripe.

on deployment.

Deploy

Paul has been home for over a month. We are back to normal. It's so nice.

I wish that I had magic tips and tricks for getting through deployments and long-distance and time apart. Actually, as long as I am wishing, I wish for no deployments, no long-distance and no time apart. But at the moment, for many families, that's unrealistic.

Everyone's first question, when you tell them your partner is home from deployment, is, "Is he home for good?" And that makes me smile grimace, because nope. "Home for good" means nothing until he's out of the military and we don't know for sure when that will be for us. Our "Plan" is more than a little abstract.

But he is home. And it is good.

I have him here until November when he'll be training for three weeks. And then he'll be home again until early February when he'll deploy again for about six months. And then he'll be home for four years as he completes his residency. And then we'll start the cycle all over again with deployments every 12 months or so for years and years.

(Of course all of this is completely up in the air.)

I really wish I could break it down into five simple steps to get through a deployment with a smile on your face. Wouldn't that be so awesome? But all I have to offer is this:

You will get through it. You will be stronger. You will have bad days. You will have good days. Both are okay. Both are normal. Do what works for you. Do only what works for you. Take it one day (and sometimes one hour) at a time.

I got through the deployment because I relied on what gives me strength – my friends & my parents. I got through the deployment because I turned off the chatter around me and focused on myself. I got through the deployment because I have this blog and I work to maintain a positive attitude in and for this space. I got through deployment because I set challenging but obtainable goals for distraction. I got through the deployment because I love Paul and because I believe in us.

Years ago, when I dreamed about my future, my husband and I both had traditional 8-5 jobs. But then I fell in love with Paul. And he was committed to the military. So to be with him meant I had to be committed to the military. Paul is who he is because of the career path he chose. Also because of his path, I am blessed with the ability to be "non-traditional" in my career. We are building a different family and life than I would have predicted but a much greater one than I could have hoped for.

Deployments are part of the game for us. And knowing what I know, and the heartache that comes from having your partner halfway around the world, I would pick Paul and this path again every single time. He is my best match and I am his.

*

If you are going through a deployment or are about to (whether it's your first or 52nd), I wish you peace. I send you encouragement and I thank you so much for your service and sacrifice. If you are not going through a deployment, but having a rough time, my advice stands … take it one day, one hour at a time. xo.

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32 responses to “on deployment.”

  1. Pink Ronnie Avatar
    Pink Ronnie

    Families in the military are amazing. You guys are amazing. YOU are amazing.
    Thank you for sharing so much of your life in this blog. Your positivity shines through in every post, even during the hard times. Your voice is very inspiration.
    Ronnie xo

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  2. Rose Avatar
    Rose

    Yes. THIS. And you know…this could be applied to so many professions, really. I often struggle with my boyfriend’s 60-hour-work week, and our “mid-distance” relationship, but I always know we’ll survive these days and have happier ones to come. That doesn’t mean I don’t try and be as present as possible. I think you achieved that during Paul’s deployment, and you will again with future deployments too.

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  3. kimberly b Avatar
    kimberly b

    Thank you SO MUCH for posting so much about this. My husband and I have to live in different states because of work and lack there of it here for him for the next 6 months minimum. After that, I don’t know how much longer, but hopefully that will be it. I’m so thankful you wrote this series and have gone back and read many a post again since he moved in March. I have to re-learn how to be just me and figure out how to keep things right between us while he’s in a different place and time zone. Because I really love the voice you blog with, it’s been wonderful to read some of the things you did and start to figure out my own plan.
    And thank you both so much for your service. It’s amazing the sacrifice you both are making for the rest of us. And I’m grateful.

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  4. Jo Avatar
    Jo

    My friend’s son is in The Royal Marines and at just 20 years old he faces the deployments u talk about for the rest of his military career. So far he has been to Afghanistan only but there r so many places a Marine can and will go. His family got by with faith, love and like you friends and family. It is wonderful to have the Internet and phones to keep some communication better. My grandad was in the military in the 1930s and back then must have been an extra challenge with communication even by letter.
    I am so glad life is getting back to normal for u guys Elise and that u have several more months until any further deployment. We have alot of local military families and so we try and support as best we can. Hope u have a fab Easter weekend,
    Jo xxx

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  5. Melanie Avatar
    Melanie

    I keep coming back, and I keep saying the same thing, but you are an inspiration, not because of the good days, but because of the bad days and the inbetween and your drive through all of it.

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  6. creole wisdom Avatar
    creole wisdom

    This was so beautifully written. I’m so glad you are doing well and have such a lovely perspective.

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  7. Melanie K Avatar
    Melanie K

    Thank God for men like Paul, and for the wives like you who support and love them. I can’t imagine going through a deployment (and I know you must hear that a lot). But people should stop asking you to even think about deployment while Paul is HOME. Go and have fun together, which is sounds like you are! lol

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  8. Monica Avatar
    Monica

    Elise, I feel like I could have written this post, it speaks to my heart so much. My husband is a USAF pilot and I have the very same thoughts about how I’d do it all the same given the choice to choose again. And how he is who he is in part fur to his career choice. Thanks for articulating this so beautifully.

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  9. Heather Avatar
    Heather

    Girl, you hit the nail on the head. It doesn’t matter how long our time apart is because this Navy life makes our men who they are. Of course it’s hard but it’s certainly better than settling for someone simply because they are around everyday and home for dinner at night. We moved 3 times in 2 years, and he’s usually gone for training about 2 weeks of every month and everyone seems to “feel bad” for us. I don’t feel bad at all. I love this life and I love my Sailor and I would NEVER EVER trade it. Thanks for being an inspiration, you put so well to words what I sometimes have trouble with.

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  10. Suzanne Avatar
    Suzanne

    Thank you for this post. It is so nice to hear a success story. I have been on a deployment myself and know how they seem to last forever. But mine is not a success story. My boyfriend has been in the Navy for 16 years and is on his 8th deployment. He has PTSD now. I thought he was the one. Until I got an email saying he was now married to a Filipino girl he had just met on deployment. He threw away everything And all his behavior was completely out of character for him. It was completely out of left field. So now it is just shock and betrayal. There is no fixing it. He has changed into someone else completely. It is almost surreal. I do not wish this on anyone.

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  11. Susan Bowers Avatar
    Susan Bowers

    i know you did this too Elise and i wanted to share one of the most helpful tips for me to get through a very long deployment (actually an unknown return time deployment even). in ’93 my hubby deployed to Somalia – he ended up being there 6 months. i sent him 283 pieces of mail: cards (lots of cards), letters, and packages. we didn’t have email. i couldn’t call. he found a way to call me about once a week – some times once every two weeks. he’d actually get up at about 2 in the morning just to call. sure the letters/cards helped him – but if i’m honest they really helped me too. i’d get so giddy finding new cards to send. and always had an ongoing letter to finish and put in the mail. now when i share to other military wives what to do i always let them know about the letters.
    thank you paul for your service and elise for your support of your serviceman

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  12. elise blaha Avatar
    elise blaha

    That is SO awesome. I cant imagine that many pieces of mail. I sent about 100 cards – but we were so lucky to get to send email. We emailed each other more during his deployment than we did the 5 years prior. 🙂

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  13. elise blaha Avatar
    elise blaha

    my heart goes out to you, Suzanne. I am so sorry.

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  14. Hagit Avatar
    Hagit

    Hi Elise,
    I think you’re brave, and I love your positive attitude! I wonder whether you can also go on deployment with Paul? or is it always him alone? And do you have any idea where he’ll be deployed in the future? and for how long? Is there a certain age he reaches where he can choose where to be deployed? I’m just wondering how much of this is in his control. Thanks for sharing, and good luck to you both! Enjoy this time together! 🙂

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  15. Megan Avatar
    Megan

    Thank you for writing this. I am about to go on my 4th deployment. I have my guy ready to stand by my side, and I am forever grateful for him. Hope to marry him when I get back. Deployments are tough, but it takes faith, hope, and love to get you through them!
    I am definitely taking your advice. One day at a time.

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  16. Amanda Avatar
    Amanda

    Elise, I am almost in tears reading this. You sound so wise and I know your advice is helpful to so many, not just those living with deployment. Thank you.

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  17. elise blaha Avatar
    elise blaha

    Thanks! And no … we have ideas of where he will be deployed, but nothing is in stone. Deployments are just the service man or woman, families do not usually go with. It is possible that sometime down the line he will be stationed abroad and I will get to go on that adventure. 🙂

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  18. Skye Avatar
    Skye

    I love that you have written so much about deployment, how it has changed you, and your relationship with Paul. Thank you for sharing how you’ve gotten through. I think you are both doing an amazing job. To both of you as a family- thank you for your service.

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  19. Bella Casa Avatar
    Bella Casa

    Elise, you are spot on with this post today. My husband was in the military for over 20 years and there were lots of “goodbye’s” and “hello’s”. All in all …I loved the military life …especially moving from state to state and country to country. I would never have experienced so much if it was not for the military life!

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  20. AshleyM Avatar
    AshleyM

    As someone who recently returned from a deployment, I have to say, I so agree. While I was gone, I chose to make it the VERY BEST experience I could. It was so hard to be away, to miss things, to miss my husband, but now we are together again and after a somewhat difficult transition to life as two, we are possibly the happiest we have ever been. Life is great.

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  21. elise blaha Avatar
    elise blaha

    Love to hear this! Thank you! 🙂

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  22. Heidi smith Avatar
    Heidi smith

    We are 18 years in (also Navy, also deployed ) and I can tell you that what you have shared will serve you well throughout his career at sea. Not everyone will be successful but I think the attitude you share is one that will lead to a happy marriage. It has for us!
    And homecomings are so great! Hard to take our guys for granted after going through these deployments for years. It is a gift we get back IMO for the sacrifices we make.

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  23. shelley Avatar
    shelley

    Love your attitude! This attitude can be applied to whatever difficult situation we face! Thanks for the encouragement!

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  24. Lauren Morton-Farmer Avatar
    Lauren Morton-Farmer

    This is wonderful Elise. A friend of mine just left for Afghanistan (at only 19 years old – I’m still amazed that this kid I met years ago is such a man now, he just leaves me in awe) and I’m going to pass this along to his girlfriend, who I know will find comfort in it.
    Thank both you and Paul for all you have sacrificed – truly! Words will never suffice, but I hope they begin to touch on the prayers and appreciation 🙂

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  25. racheldenbow Avatar
    racheldenbow

    Elise,
    We’ve known when Brett was going to deploy for about two months now and just learned about his training schedule and field time this month and I find myself going back and forth between forgetting that he’s going to be gone this time next year and fighting the anxiety that wants to creep in. Most of that stems from now being in a new town with no support system in place yet (working on that one) but I’m already encouraged to know that our guys will be gone at the same time again and that as long as that has to happen, it’s always better to have it happen with a friend that understands!
    Thanks for sharing so much of your process before/during and after on your blog. So glad for some home time for awhile!

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  26. elise blaha Avatar
    elise blaha

    thanks love – I know exactly what you mean. I keep thinking the time that he was gone passed slowly so the time that he is here should pass slow as well. I feel like we are newbies together on this adventure. I should plan a Colorado trip for next spring… 🙂

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  27. sophie Avatar
    sophie

    i’ve only been married for six months, and couldn’t even think of being away from my husband for that long. my hat goes off to you for stay the course of strength for not only Paul, but for yourself, too. i truly appreciate Paul’s service to our country and you for standing their with open arms and an understanding heart to a man who chooses to commit his life to the armed services. you both look SO very happy in this picture! enjoy every minute together!

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  28. Erin Avatar
    Erin

    My husband has just deployed TODAY to Afghanistan, and I agree with everything you had said! This is not his first deployment while we have been together, but they have never as big as this (and sucks a little more since we’ve only been married 2 and a half months!). Your words are so true, and I have never felt prouder of my husband as I did today. The day he gets home will be a wonderful one and I can’t wait to have many happy ‘returning home’ photos like yours! I hate when people feel sorry for us, as I wouldn’t have it any other way – I am fiercely proud and am grateful for the experiences that the military offers – not to mention the wonderful sense of community and family. Thank you for your words Elise – they have offered much comfort today! 🙂

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  29. elise blaha Avatar
    elise blaha

    lots of love. 🙂

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  30. Pam Avatar
    Pam

    Not sure how I found your blog but it was on a recommendation of someone else and I was hoping that you might check out my website as I’d love to support Paul on one of his deployments. My site is http://www.cardsforsoldiers.blogspot.com. On the right hand column there is an ‘About this blog’ that tells you what I do. There are past posts that go back to when we started in 2006 as well as photos and letters from soldiers if you need more info. I work on an Air Force Base, I am a military brat and honor you both for what you do!

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  31. elise blaha Avatar
    elise blaha

    very cool Pam. Thank you for what you do and for sharing! 🙂 elise

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  32. Amanda Avatar
    Amanda

    I don’t know how I missed this post but I’m reading it now and I’m glad I did. I blogged a couple of weeks ago about why it’s hard to love a person in the military and although I’ve known my Sir for seven years, this is the first time I’m going to be going through a deployment. We’re long distance as it is, so it won’t seem that much different, it’s just the worry that goes along with knowing he’s out there. He’s training in San Diego right now and getting ready to go back out on his fourth tour and honestly, I’m worried to no end, but like you said, I know I’ll be stronger for it. Thanks for this post.

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