enJOY it

an archived personal and craft blog from Elise Blaha Cripe.

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When Paul and I first moved in together in August 2007, he had already lived in an apartment for five years. Four years with friends when he lived in Berkeley, and one on this own – his first year of med school. I came almost straight from the sorority house. We each brought a bag of tricks into the relationship.

He could cook. I could bake.

He could mix fun cocktails and pick out red wines. I could drink.

He could parallel park. I had mastered the art of circling until a bigger spot you could pull right into had opened up.

He could make piles (and piles and piles). I could sort, organize & throw away.

He could fix the Internet whenever it went out. I could do anything in Excel.

He could put together Ikea furniture without crying. I could figure out how to decorate.

He could memorize maps and directions. I knew how to leave early so there was time to get lost.

He loved a deal. I could find them.

He could put air in the car tires. I could find the least expensive gas station in town.

He could keep the dishes clean. I could keep the apartment clean.

He dealt with the bills and insurance. I made flights and hotel reservations.

He could fix anything. I could make anything.

He sent cliff-noted emails because he knew I hate excess text. I kept us up to date on thank you notes.

He did research for big expensive purchases. I did "research" for all the little ones.

He could grocery shop. I could navigate any Target with my eyes closed.

He was busy. I kept to-do lists.

We were – we are – such a good team.

I am realizing this more and more as I prep for this move by myself.

All of the things – canceling utilities, arranging the movers, transferring insurance, adjusting our billing address, setting up new utilities, getting the internet to work, getting the TV to work, buying appliances, worrying about the car getting a flat tire, worrying about the appliances being good enough, directing the movers, signing off on big purchases, sealing the deal on a new place, reading the lease – are honestly, probably things Paul would have taken care of (except, he wouldn't worry).

My role would have been more subtle. I would have been the list-maker, the question-asker, the i-dotter and the t-crosser.

Without him, I'm taking care of all this. I've been calling and making adjustments to things and they always ask to speak to the primary account holder. I always respond super upbeat, "No problem, but he's deployed in Afghanistan. Can I get a direct number for him to call you at to avoid the voicemail jail I just sat through?" And they usually respond with, "Ahh, well, um, Mrs. Cripe, let me just take care of this for you."

My bag of tricks has grown ten-fold since I moved in with Paul. And then, because of this deployment, it's expanded greater than it ever would have.

It's unreal.

*ps. photo by our friend katy from new year's eve 2007. I was 21 and he had just turned 24. we were babies! but already in love! aww!

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97 responses to “i need a bigger bag.”

  1. Kal Barteski Avatar

    Love every bit. Seriously love.

    Like

  2. Black Tag Diaries Avatar

    it’s so great when you combine both ‘bags of tricks’ to get one super-nice-louis-vuitton-trunk of tricks. marriage is awesome like that… brings out the best in us, challenges and stretches us. good luck on the upcoming move!

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  3. Mary Sane Avatar

    Love your way of dealing with the phonecalls… 🙂

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  4. melissa Avatar

    seriously, that’s love right there

    Like

  5. Heather Avatar

    such a great post, Elise! It has motivated me to look at my own relationship and define our teamwork in my journal.
    I love watching you explain/describe/share your love for one another, and your honesty in what you are experiencing through deployment and all is moving. It is clear that being deployed brings growth into the deployeds life – but you have shown that it also does a number on those fighting the battles at home, as we wait for loved ones to return, yet carry on with life on these lines, too. It is so inspiring to see you rise up against the challenges [both big and small] and stand in the [newish, or rather, perhaps – redefined] independence that Paul being away has set you on and in.
    All that to say: THANK YOU for sharing your story.

    Like

  6. Marisa Avatar

    You’re so smart! I always say, “He’s out of the country,” but I never thought about your technique. Love it.

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  7. Cecilia Madden Avatar

    Such love!
    You are a tough cookie, Elise. This makes me think of that “We can do hard things” sign.
    Good luck with the move.

    Like

  8. shalini Avatar

    Aww… I can say ditto to so many of your task list divisions, except my husband is not deployed and we are still maintaining status-co. I read your post and thought, you are given this challenge cause you are strong enough to handle it. Good luck! With the move and everything else {Hugs}

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  9. Chandra Avatar
    Chandra

    Awesome post. Love your line about “voicemail jail”. I will be using that in the future 🙂

    Like

  10. Danielle Avatar

    Oh man! What a great post! Love the sense of humor interspersed with genuine love.

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  11. Lehua Avatar

    you’re amazing for being so strong. i grew up in a military family and have seen how hard deployments can be. hang in there and keep your head up. ❤

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  12. Marissa Avatar

    Lovely post. Good luck getting it all done. If you get overwhelmed, just do one thing at a time and get through that list. You’re a strong and brave lady, I really enjoy reading your blog!

    Like

  13. Kate Ware Avatar

    What a wonderful post, and a wonderful tribute to you and Paul as a couple. My heart is smiling for you! I have faith that, though I’m sure it’s hard dealing with these things, not because you can’t but because each one reminds you of him, you will rock this move, and have your love nest all feathered and ready when your soul-mate comes home! You go, girl! 🙂

    Like

  14. jennifer Avatar
    jennifer

    Daily reader here; this post made me smile. You go…..good luck with the move. You can do it ALL! 🙂

    Like

  15. Krys72599 Avatar

    LOVE this post!
    What a great idea for a mini-book – he/she..
    Oh, wait, that’s been done… (LOL!)
    But I haven’t done it and I love the idea of creating at least a page of he/me comparisons like this one.
    Thanks for the inspiration!
    And you can do it all! No matter what comes up, you can and will handle it!

    Like

  16. krugthethinker Avatar

    This is so so so sweet. Made my morning 🙂

    Like

  17. Rosie Avatar
    Rosie

    Elise, I’m a daily reader and I just can’t get enough of your blog. But seriously, this post was such a disappointment. It’s sweet to hear you talk about being a team with Paul, but at the end of your post you sounded completely pathetic. You didn’t state outright that Paul was responsible for all the stereotypical “manly” things around the house, but you made yourself sound like a subversive housewife from a bygone era. It’s 2011. As a college-educated woman, you are perfectly capable of taking control of affairs in your adult life. Scratch that. As a WOMAN, you are entitled to and capable of taking control of affairs in your adult life. Stop embarrassing yourself by revealing you are incapable of conducting ordinary adult business without confessing a hardship. Paul is deployed and that is certainly a hardship, but changing your billing address or reading a new lease is not tricky. And seriously, all drivers should know how to change a tire. It’s not that difficult, just incredibly messy. And if you still don’t want to learn, at least keep the number of a good tow-truck company in your cell phone. I would end by saying “man-up”, but maybe the more appropriate phrase is “woman-up”!

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  18. Nat Avatar

    I love this and I think sometimes it’s something that only a well-adjusted couple can understand. It’s not that I can’t do certain things by myself, he’s just better at certain things and we’re a team. I’m better at other things and we use our shared brain to get it all done.

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  19. ihilani Avatar

    Me and the Mr. do this compare/contrast thing a lot. We are so opposite in so many ways and that’s great because together we are able to do things that would be really hard on our own. In the five years I’ve been married we’ve moved 7 times now, twice between Hawaii and the Mainland. Apparently we like Hawaii better since we keep coming home. I can’t imagine doing it alone. Good luck!

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  20. Angie Avatar

    Great post, Elise. I don’t know how you do it, honestly. I rely on my husband for so much. We tend to take things for granted. I suppose it’s human nature. I keep thinking of my Mom who was left as a widow at age 39 with 3 young children. Somehow you just manage I guess, no matter how hard it is. All the best, I know you can do it.

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  21. Carrie K Avatar
    Carrie K

    Your love and your strength is so inspiring! Thank you for sharing it with us. I cannot WAIT to see how you rock out your new space 🙂

    Like

  22. elise blaha Avatar

    You used a fake email address so I doubt you will see this. BUT ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Are you kidding me? I am so annoyed. I run my own business. I am totally CAPABLE of all this shit and am taking care of it RIGHT NOW. The point is that WITH HIM HERE I would have probably just let him do it. WITHOUT HIM HERE, I am doing it. IT’S NOT BECAUSE I AM PATHETIC. It is because that is probably how we would have divided up the tasks. I am shaking I am so mad at your comment. I hope that was your point.

    Like

  23. Lina @ Chopping Vegetables Avatar

    Elise, I loved this post! It made me appreciate my partner and all the things we do for each other. I’m going to make a list like that.
    Good luck with everything.

    Like

  24. Allison Avatar

    Elise- I can completely relate. My husband isn’t deployed but he’s spent time away and I’ve experienced some of what you described. I think it’s good for us (even if it’s so foreign).
    And guess what…we are still strong women! Not pathetic or lame. There’s nothing wrong with working as a team and having strengths and preferences.
    YAY for growing!

    Like

  25. Avital Avatar

    Dear Elise,
    Please don’t take other people’s ignorance to heart. It takes a loving, committed relationship to understand your wonderful, heartfelt words that warms everyone’s hearts. Having said that, you need a hear to have it warmed up…

    Like

  26. elise blaha Avatar

    Also. I wish I could get over this faster but turns out that’s another weakness of mine.
    I don’t think I confess hardship at any point in the above post. I state facts. I admit that I am glad I am expanding my abilities. I am glad I am dealing with this one my own and not waiting for Paul to get home. I am proud that I am crossing crap off my list and getting stuff done.
    I am glad I maintain this blog and have an honest record about what my life is like. People bitch all the time about bloggers only sharing the positive aspects of life and not being honest about things. Usually it’s because we get randomly nailed for admitting the not so PC stuff.
    This is one of those random times. And here is what I will admit – comments like this hurt me so much more than they should. You hurt me today. Which sucks. And now you’ll probably be mad that I don’t have tougher skin.
    I wish you had not used a fake email so we could discuss this privately but the blessing of this being my blog, means I get to respond to comments that feel like attacks.
    Moving on now.
    ELISE.

    Like

  27. Sheri Twing Avatar

    Elise, forget the stupid comments. This post was wonderful. It shows that as a “woman” you can still be totally in love with your husband and that it’s ok to enjoy being together and doing things together. And it’s ok to rely on each other for the little things in life. It doesn’t make you less capable or wimpy, it just means that you are free to let someone love you! Something that many women today seem to think makes you less of a woman. Not in my book!

    Like

  28. Linda Avatar
    Linda

    Elise,
    Please know that what you said is beautiful. I have been married more than 30 years and yes–some things my hubby does best and some things I do best–it doesn’t make you weak-Just smart! It is hard to do it all. You are an amazing woman–glad I can read your posts–they make my day.

    Like

  29. Caitlin H. Avatar
    Caitlin H.

    My Favorite Hate Mail Blog: Where Mean Comments go to Die
    http://myfavoritehatemail.blogspot.com/
    Haters gonna hate.

    Like

  30. kayla Avatar
    kayla

    such a great post elise! don’t let people get you down, even for a second. i aspire to be more like you (even on your worst days- ha!) you are incredibly talented and creative. you are doing an amazingly brave job of keeping busy and living life, even with a paul-shaped hole in the middle of it all. my fiance and i are long-distance this year (MN to CO) and i still have a hard time living in the present and making the most of each day. your situation is 100 times more difficult and you inspire me to press on and keep moving. stay strong and know that plenty of women would be lucky to be half the woman you are.

    Like

  31. kimberly Avatar

    The thing I hate about negative blog commenters is that they NEVER link to their own blogs or email addresses…COWARDS! Rosie, if you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all…and Elise, thanks for your honesty…it’s why your readers keep coming back every day.

    Like

  32. meghan Avatar

    It feels good to know you can do things on your own. And it feels good to know that you can do things as a team. I second that!

    Like

  33. Katielicht Avatar

    i’m so angry on your behalf. i totally agree with what you said in your second comment; and I hate that when bloggers do open up about less than perfect things they can be attacked in this way.
    it sounds to me like that lady doesn’t understand marriage. there’s a reason we go through this world as a couple: it’s easier to handle life if you have a partner. every marriage functions in this way, each person plays to their own strengths. and i admire you for having the courage to go it alone while paul is gone, and share your experiences. if my husband was ever deployed in the military I think I’d buy a 7 month supply of frozen pizzas and never leave the house.

    Like

  34. Elizabeth Rosemond Avatar

    Ugh, it isn’t even my blog and I’m angry. DUMB. Glad you’re moving forward, perhaps with a nice big glass of red wine…after 5pm of course 🙂
    I love this post AND I love the distinction between needing a bigger bag and having BAGGAGE. Clearly not the same. Push on sister!

    Like

  35. Cheney Avatar

    Hater’s gonna hate. You live a charmed life, it seems, and it’s an inspiration to many. Don’t let anyone bring you down.

    Like

  36. Terry D. Avatar

    I am sitting here crying because I am also mad at what that idoit said to you and then gave a cowardly false email. I know it’s hard to ignore, but just know you are a much better person than that idiot will ever be!!!!
    I am so proud of you and all you are doing and learning while Paul is deployed. We had a he/she list of things when we worked full time, but when we retired it switched and he did she and I did…wait I gave him everything. LOL Anyway it changes all the time and I think that’s what makes our life so much fun as I am sure you do too.
    Thank your husband for me and my husband (who was a police officer)for his service to our country. Thank you,Elise, for keeping your home fires burning and going so he can do what he does without worrying.

    Like

  37. Maggie Avatar
    Maggie

    I love this post because as a newlywed, I am seeing more and more how each of us has different strengths and together we are an awesome pair. Some of our strengths are gender stereotypes and others defy them. That’s ok because at the end of the day, we are benefiting from the other person’s expertise and learning new strengths. Cheers to you for working to overcome things that don’t come easily and/or naturally to you – I’ve been there and I know how very hard it is. The stretch hurts, but you of all people know how it’s worth it all in the end. xo.

    Like

  38. Vee P Avatar

    This post is so cute & real.. Loved every sentence written! Don’t listen to the haters.. That comment was seriously uncalled for. You are more woman than some ladies I talk to! You are in a healthy & beautiful relationship where you & your husband love and care for each other. You both have your strengths & weaknesses and together you make one awesome team. Now you’re learning to grow & become even stronger than before and that doesn’t make you less ‘woman’! I love coming here to read your personal stories because it gives me strength to grow, move forward, & do things I’ve never done before. I hope stupid comments like that don’t discourage you from posting sincere & real posts such as this one. Keep doing your thing & always be yourself!

    Like

  39. Katie Avatar

    Love everything about this post, Elise! I can completely relate to the “He does this.” “I do this.”
    I’ve been reading your blog since you were at USC and I’ve loved seeing your relationship with Paul through this blog. It’s so easy to see what a great team you make! Can’t imagine how tough it would be to have your team-mate on the other side of the world – we’re all rooting for you!

    Like

  40. Amanda Avatar

    Elise, I read this post and my first thought was, “I love her posts like this!” I’m a huge fan of your e&p posts! I thought this one showed how meant for each other you are. It showed what a great couple you are, what a great TEAM you are. It also shows how strong both of you are as individuals, something that is really being proven during these 7 months. I know how stressful things can be, like changing addresses, moving, paperwork, etc. I CAN do it on my own, but I much prefer having someone to help me. Wouldn’t we all? Anyway, I am proud of you that you are getting shit done 🙂 And I am proud (and thankful) that you keep it real here!

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  41. Kal Barteski Avatar

    And this is why I love you. EVERY. SINGLE. WORD. Wish you were here.

    Like

  42. Anne Avatar
    Anne

    Thank you for such a great post (and that picture is darling!). I’m sorry people are mean and stupid. I love seeing the balance in your relationship, and your realistic and funny take on it. OF COURSE you can do all that stuff (and you will, and it will be great). Don’t let the jerks get you down. You have handled a less-than-ideal situation so well. You’re an inspiration.

    Like

  43. Monica Avatar

    I totally feel your pain, but you are so much more eloquent about it! 🙂 Last year I did the same thing. Selected, bought, and moved houses while my husband was deployed (as a civilian contractor). In fact he came home the day after I moved. He thought that was great timing, I thought he owed me BIG! 🙂 Good luck on this journey!

    Like

  44. royela Avatar

    relocating with your excel and to-do making skills? i’d pay for that! 😉 but truly, i love that you can miss how paul would have contributed to this move (everything’s easier with 2!) but clearly show how you are elise-ing the heck out of it this time.
    also, i’m glad that utilities/companies are willing to work with you despite not being the “primary account holder.” patrick’s not deployed but i’m the “do-er” between us and i’ve called to make account changes for patrick’s primary accounts but i just say i’m patrick. i know all the answers to the security challenges, SS# & acct. number. who are they to say i’m not? ;P

    Like

  45. Kathy Avatar

    Seriously loved this post.

    Like

  46. Nikki Avatar

    Amen, sister friend. Deployments are hard. No doubt. But you learn so much about yourself and your relationship with your husband. Things you never thought you could do alone and things you never thought you could do together. Even though it sucks, it’s kinda awesome too.

    Like

  47. Jenny Lynch Avatar
    Jenny Lynch

    I love this post, love that you celebrate marriage as a team and are so genuine with your posts. Having recently moved myself to a new town where I knew no one…not a single soul, I can’t imagine coordinating all of it by myself. You inspire me 🙂

    Like

  48. Jenny Lynch Avatar
    Jenny Lynch

    btw….adorable photo!

    Like

  49. Martha Avatar

    Pretty sure she “manned-up” when she went ahead and took care of all of the things she mentioned ON HER OWN. She probably could have called someone for help…but she didn’t because she is capable of doing it on her own and she recognizes that.
    Also, this is a pretty strong argument for the power of a good relationship. Her strengths and his strengths are not the same…so together they are better together but still perfectly capable and awesome when they are apart.
    Thanks for being honest Elise. Don’t let people like this keep you from saying what you want.

    Like

  50. flora Avatar

    great post! it is amazing how much we can do when faced with it, isn’t it. thanks for sharing!

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