enJOY it

an archived personal and craft blog from Elise Blaha Cripe.

i could not fall asleep last night.

Maybe it is because my monkey mind was spinning. Or because work is exhausting this week.

Either way, I kept thinking about an article I saw in an old People Magazine yesterday. I am sure you heard about it somewhere – the girls (who I think are from Florida?) who video taped themselves beating up on another classmate.

I CANNOT HANDLE THAT STORY. I CANNOT EVEN THINK ABOUT IT WITHOUT FEELING SICK.

Little know fact: in eight grade I was tormented by a horrible girl and her gang of horrible friends. Never to the point where they physically hurt me (although I remember waking by the girl in the hallway around Christmas time and having her hit me with some sort of jingle bell necklace) but definitely to the point where they mentally destroyed me.

My sophomore year of college, I wrote a story about it for Chicken Soup for the Girl’s Soul. It was published under a pen name to protect the horrible girl, but it was an important step for me to write it. To help other girls who might be feeling how I felt. At the time I felt like THIS WAS THE ABSOLUTE WORST SITUATION ANYONE HAD EVER BEEN IN. I felt like there was no end to it. I felt like for the rest of my life I would be scared. I never read the story once after it was printed. Too many hard memories – even in the tamed down version.

The word BULLY is my least favorite word in the English language. For some reason, we let bullies have power over us. I hate that. I hate that in eighth grade I believed the horrible girl when she said I could not tell anyone she was harassing me. I let her have control over me. I listened to her taunts on the phone.

Why did I do that? Why did I let her get to me?

I am writing this post today just in case. Just in case there are thirteen year old girls who read my blog. (Do 13 year olds read blogs?) Just in case you have a daughter in middle school. Just in case you need to know that BULLYING is BULLSHIT and you are entitled to TELL SOMEONE and that person can help you make it stop.

I am so glad that I was able to finally make it all end with the help of my parents and the school guidance counselor. I remember sitting in her office and spilling the whole terrible story. I watched as the counselor wrote down all the names I had been called and all the threats I had heard. I remember finally feeling like I did not have to be scared. Finally feeling like I was back in control.

I grew beyond that horrible girl. I grew up into someone I respect. I rarely think about it. But that magazine article yesterday brought me back for a little bit. And so I wanted to share.

Take care of you.

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21 responses to “i could not fall asleep last night.”

  1. Jessica Fulkerson Avatar
    Jessica Fulkerson

    On the TODAY show, they actually showed the video tape and even though I never had a similar situation, it physically repulsed me- I was gagging and had to turn it off. So horrible. xo

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  2. RachelG Avatar
    RachelG

    When I was in the 7th grade, I was transfered to a school for gifted kids. The girls there were hateful and mean and every day I was full of anxiety. I stayed for about a week before I conviced my mom to remove me.My nephew just started attending that school and I pray that things have changed.

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  3. misti Avatar
    misti

    In 7th grade I had something similar. She actually started off as a friend and then when she and her other friend realized my weak points it became a very big taunting game. Prank phone calls, teasing me as slumber parties, honestly, if I see her at my reunion this year, I think I will continue ignoring her. It got the point that eventually my parents did intervene and told her off when she was doing a prank phone call. The sad thing was, she was nice at times, and seemed to be a decent person in the beginning.
    I’m sorry you went through that. I hate that anyone goes through it and that video made me sick too.

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  4. grungedandy.co.uk Avatar
    grungedandy.co.uk

    hey I hear you I had 3 years in junior school 9 to 12 then when I moved up to secondary school I was ok for 6 months then it started again for another 2 & half years till I started Judo and actually took matters in to my own hands (the school wasn’t really helping) and that seemed to work I do not recommend violence it is always the last resort, best to try & talk it through first with sensible teachers which we did try & in junior school it worked but senior school it really didn’t they just didn’t do anything when there was a teacher or witness around so eventually they forced my hand & they were very surprised when I fought back! Seeya Hugya G

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  5. Jennifer Avatar
    Jennifer

    Bullies are the worst. They make me sick. It’s funny than even after we grow up and become adults there are still bullies out there. It’s sad that people want to treat others that way.
    I’m glad to say I don’t think I ever tormented anyone in that way. I never beat anyone up. I’m sure I did some name-calling but I think all little kids do that although I’m not proud of it.
    So I just wanted to say Bravo to you for dealing with it. Bravo!

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  6. kerry lynn Avatar
    kerry lynn

    so glad that you did share e.
    take care of you!
    xo

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  7. jen paddack-hyde Avatar
    jen paddack-hyde

    I am the mother of a 13-year old girl and bullies are something I worry about constantly. My daughter seems to have survived 7th grade without any issues but I remember from my own experience that sometimes those that turn on you are your closest friends.
    Thanks for sharing your story. I’m always sorry to hear how many girls went through this when they were younger.

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  8. Molly Avatar
    Molly

    I haven’t heard the news (people) story, but I have to agree about how very, very wrong this is.
    I’m so sorry that you went through that Elise. How awful! My contribution to this conversation is this: it starts at a very young age. It begins innocently enough in the third and fourth grades as cliques and exclusion, and the girls build from there.
    My daughter is 8 — very young for her 3rd grade class. She struggles with the social aspects of school as it is, and we are watchful for evidence of this already, and involved in the classroom.
    As a parent you have to be vigilant at times.
    There is a non-profit organization called the Ophelia project that helps educators, school administrators, parents and girls work against these very issues.
    Thank you for opening this dialog here, as I suspect your readership is largely young professional women [like yourself] who CAN be great role models of strength, independence and action for even younger girls.

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  9. Ana Avatar
    Ana

    Recently I read an article about bullies in the workplace (NYTimes.com). They interviewed people about how they were being bullied by their boss or co-workers, and it was mind-blowing to think people were going through that as adults. Thank you for sharing your story.
    In other news, I went to Georgetown for the first time last week. I looked for Paper Source, but missed it. The streets were so pretty though! I’m sure you’re happy to work there!

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  10. Nancy Avatar
    Nancy

    Thanks for sharing this. It reminded me of something I learned a few years ago… I had a bully in my life and this situation had finally been resolved. The bully had even apologized and was no longer hurting me… but I was still angry, irrationally angry all the time. Someone helped me realize that I was actually angry at myself for allowing that person to hurt me without standing up for myself, for so long. After I understood that, I was able to deal with the anger toward myself and move on.
    Thanks for helping me remember that forgiving yourself is part of taking care of yourself.

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  11. Frances Avatar
    Frances

    Thanks for posting this. My daughter is 8 and this stuff is already starting. She has a friend that is nice to her but can be quite mean to her other friends. I’m talking to her about it (I suggested telling her friend, hey you don’t have to be so mean, I wouldn’t feel good if others spoke to you like that, etc.) but she says it’s hard to be brave. Crazy…I’m bracing myself for high school…

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  12. Elizabeth Rosemond Avatar
    Elizabeth Rosemond

    We watch a little too much CNN in our house, so I’ve seen the video more times than I would care to admit. It was seriously disturbing. My daughter just turned 14…let the fun begin.

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  13. mandydake Avatar
    mandydake

    Couragous and inspiring. Thank you, elise. Hugs, M

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  14. kristy Avatar
    kristy

    survivor of a long time bully here. she lived in my neighborhood which made it quite worse. she towered over me physically. had stupid things printed about me in the school paper. i was never so glad when she decided to stay behind as our highschool split. although she didn’t mentally abuse me anymore, i was still petrified to be around her.
    a few years after highschool i found out from my mom that she had been raped late at night on her way home when she stopped to use a payphone.
    i was finally able to let go after that. i felt sorry for her. i finally saw her as a human being instead of this force to fight against. i let go of all the hurt & lost friends she had caused me.
    it was an awful thing that happened to her.. but it made me fully believe in karma. all the bad that you put out there is sure to come back to you, in some way. so..i moved on. i’ve even caught myself smile at her a time or two when our paths have crossed in our tiny little town.
    bullies are awful. i’m sorry you had to endure it for the time you did! it’s awful what people will do to one another!

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  15. Lisa Avatar
    Lisa

    yep another bully survivor. after reading these comments, its amazing that it has happened to so many.
    my bullies made it so i only had one friend and i would get tortured every single day. didn’t matter about what. the nail color i had on that day. the way my hair was styled. and thank god for uniforms, but on “free dress” days, it was even worse. there was no pleasing them. and, of course, my weight was the determining factor. i wasn’t as skinny as them and my mom didn’t buy me designer clothing. i would cry everyday…i even started getting ulcers from all the stress. not a good time in my life. and whats worse is it affected me into high school…but thank god my parents sent me to an all girls high school where i was allowed to blossom back into me.
    it’s truly sad that this happened to so many and is continuing to happen. it’s not right but how do you stop it? there will always be the weak who just don’t know how to be strong. so sad.
    thanks for your story elise. i think it has made us all realize we weren’t alone 🙂

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  16. Nadia Avatar
    Nadia

    thank you for sharing such a pivotal moment in your life. I was so happy to read that you had people who listened to you and you felt you were heard. important post…needs to be said again and again “stop bullying”.

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  17. Diane Avatar
    Diane

    Its funny how bullying can carry on into adult life. I was bullied at school and once I finished I thought that that sort of behaviour was over for good. But no. I have just finished dealing with a manager who was bullying me. At least as an adult I realise it only ever stops when you stand up for yourself and that you have done nothing to deserve it.

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  18. ania Avatar
    ania

    Just wanted to give you a huge hug
    Why do we only read the stories of the victims? I may be wrong but we rarely read the stories of bullies who at a later point in their lives finally grow up and regret…?? Or do they just carry on? do they not realize how their actions have affected other lives? ponder Ohwell.

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  19. JUdi Avatar
    JUdi

    I’ve been out of school for 30 years now, and still remember how horrible Jr. High and High School were; it was awful! My son has been going through this for the past 2 years in his school and it breaks my heart to see these things happen – would be nice to see it change! Thank you for sharing your words of wisdom – I did share them with my son.

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  20. Alexandra Avatar
    Alexandra

    I’ve been going through your archives, and I just had to comment on this one. 7th grade was the same for me–miserable. I would be “sick” some days, just so the Mean Girls wouldn’t torment me that day. Of course, it was always worse the day after. But it’s nice to know I wasn’t the only one, and it is possible that someone who was bullied could grow up and be as cool as you are 🙂

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  21. elise blaha Avatar
    elise blaha

    🙂 thank you.

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