enJOY it

The first time was freshman year, and I was writing a paper about America and Labor.  My aging professor was convinced that books were the only reliable sources of information.  The second time was second semester sophomore year when I was writing a paper on the Old Testament.  I went to the Hebrew library and checked out books on the book of Job.

I know, excitement is my middle name.

While web-browsing is faster, more convenient and less dusty, I have to say that you cannot beat that feeling when you finally make it to book T840.876 A123.980, and you pull it off the shelf and lo and behold it is the book that the internet card catalog told you it would be.

So today, I ventured into the library for the third, and more than likely final, time during my college career.  This time was a little different though as A) it was the Fine Arts Library, B) I was near tears, and C) my photography teacher had just mandated I go.

Because, you see, my final photography assignment deadline is looming.  And I had, as of this morning, nothing.  Well, I had a plan.  I was going to shoot advertisements.  But when I actually thought about getting out my camera and taking, developing and printing a photo of an advertisement, I cringed.  And then when I thought about creating twelve photos of advertisements, I blanched – which is like a cringe times 12.5.

Why do I want photos of advertisements?

What do advertisements mean to me?

How to they reflect me, Elise-about to graduate-almost at complete peace with the world-lover off all things ribbon-Blaha?

That is right: "I don’t", "Nothing" and "In no way."

So I needed a new photography plan.  Hence the need to talk with the teacher.  Un-hence the out of nowhere desire to cry which I am going to blame on not enough sleep and bad weather instead of the overwhelming sense of doom I have developed regarding all things Final Photo Project.

As I held back hot tears and she tried to ask calming questions and the class tried to go about their photo printing business without making eye-contact, I realized that I need a photography project that captures me.  How I feel about me.  Right now.

And right now I feel pretty damn content.

Which is how I ended up in the library.  Looking at beautiful portraits by Imogen Cunningham.  It is also how I ended up in the Alpha Phi chapter room an hour later, taking self portraits of me and all my contentness.

I develop my film tomorrow. 

Hopefully there will be no more tears.  Or trips to the library.