enJOY it

an archived personal and craft blog from Elise Blaha Cripe.

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When Paul and I first moved in together in August 2007, he had already lived in an apartment for five years. Four years with friends when he lived in Berkeley, and one on this own – his first year of med school. I came almost straight from the sorority house. We each brought a bag of tricks into the relationship.

He could cook. I could bake.

He could mix fun cocktails and pick out red wines. I could drink.

He could parallel park. I had mastered the art of circling until a bigger spot you could pull right into had opened up.

He could make piles (and piles and piles). I could sort, organize & throw away.

He could fix the Internet whenever it went out. I could do anything in Excel.

He could put together Ikea furniture without crying. I could figure out how to decorate.

He could memorize maps and directions. I knew how to leave early so there was time to get lost.

He loved a deal. I could find them.

He could put air in the car tires. I could find the least expensive gas station in town.

He could keep the dishes clean. I could keep the apartment clean.

He dealt with the bills and insurance. I made flights and hotel reservations.

He could fix anything. I could make anything.

He sent cliff-noted emails because he knew I hate excess text. I kept us up to date on thank you notes.

He did research for big expensive purchases. I did "research" for all the little ones.

He could grocery shop. I could navigate any Target with my eyes closed.

He was busy. I kept to-do lists.

We were – we are – such a good team.

I am realizing this more and more as I prep for this move by myself.

All of the things – canceling utilities, arranging the movers, transferring insurance, adjusting our billing address, setting up new utilities, getting the internet to work, getting the TV to work, buying appliances, worrying about the car getting a flat tire, worrying about the appliances being good enough, directing the movers, signing off on big purchases, sealing the deal on a new place, reading the lease – are honestly, probably things Paul would have taken care of (except, he wouldn't worry).

My role would have been more subtle. I would have been the list-maker, the question-asker, the i-dotter and the t-crosser.

Without him, I'm taking care of all this. I've been calling and making adjustments to things and they always ask to speak to the primary account holder. I always respond super upbeat, "No problem, but he's deployed in Afghanistan. Can I get a direct number for him to call you at to avoid the voicemail jail I just sat through?" And they usually respond with, "Ahh, well, um, Mrs. Cripe, let me just take care of this for you."

My bag of tricks has grown ten-fold since I moved in with Paul. And then, because of this deployment, it's expanded greater than it ever would have.

It's unreal.

*ps. photo by our friend katy from new year's eve 2007. I was 21 and he had just turned 24. we were babies! but already in love! aww!

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97 responses to “i need a bigger bag.”

  1. Dad Avatar
    Dad

    That’s my girl!

    Like

  2. christen Avatar
    christen

    wow – great post.

    Like

  3. Carol T. Avatar
    Carol T.

    Loved this post! Stay strong!

    Like

  4. Erica Avatar
    Erica

    I love this kind of post. When I read it I just wish I had someone to write something like this. Someday I will.
    But then when I came here to write this I saw that comment, it made me so sad! Even though I leave comments once a year, I just heart your blog. And it is sad seeing someone saying that kind of thing to the person who writes one of your favorite blogs.

    Like

  5. alison holcomb Avatar

    love this post, elise! i am a daily reader (seriously.. since i found you on 2peas!) not married yet, but this post makes me so excited to think of finding that someone who is the perfect fit. we all have our strengths and weaknesses- but that’s what makes a good team. you’re awesome! thanks for this post.

    Like

  6. Amy Ferguson Avatar
    Amy Ferguson

    I love this! i got a flat tire after school one day and even though my husband was on his way i started changing it myself…just to make sure i knew how. My husband does so many little things (and big things) and it’s not that i CAN’T do them….it’s just nice to have someone sharing the load. Way to go!!

    Like

  7. Kate Avatar
    Kate

    Loved this post.. made me smile so big! You are AWESOME Elise! SO inspiring.

    Like

  8. Michelle Avatar

    This post SO describes me and my husband and how we complement each other. Now we’re in the parenting edition and I know you look forward to that chapter. (I skimmed the ensuing kerfuffle and think it boils down to finding the right partner. It’s not really about stereotypical gender roles AT ALL. Duh.) Happy Thanksgiving!

    Like

  9. Joanne Avatar

    I absolutely love this post! You compliment each other, which is great.
    Hope everything goes smoothly with your move. 🙂

    Like

  10. Megan Avatar

    Thats a great post! You’re going to really cherish that journaling in years to come, as your roles as husband and wife start to change. You’ll be able to see how you’ve both grown as a couple, and as individuals as well! You could even make a mini book about it!??
    Thanks for sharing!
    Megan

    Like

  11. Rob Avatar
    Rob

    seriously great post beeze… i was going to comment regardless but happened to see another one farther up and felt your anger (literally)… Clearly the point was missed so whatever. Stay strong cant wait for Paul to come home 🙂

    Like

  12. Courtney Avatar
    Courtney

    Elise, I never fail to smile whenever I read your posts. It’s truly awesome to follow a blogger with such strength, optimism, and a go-getter attitude. I know many have already said it, but I will add to the majority by saying you’re an absolute inspiration. (I mean, your “Elise talks college” video is a part of the reason why I “woke up,” and decided to go for what I really wanted to do after college instead of what was expected of me.)
    Anyway, thank you for the sacrifices you’re making while Paul is deployed. Thank you to Paul for serving our country. You two sound like such an adorable couple, especially after reading this post.
    I wish you and Paul the best, and I hope your move goes swell! 🙂

    Like

  13. Kara Avatar
    Kara

    love this post 🙂 makes me smile!

    Like

  14. karinhope Avatar
    karinhope

    I feel like I have so much I want to say in response to this post and the difficult comment. If we were friends I’d be dying to call you up and talk through it and get to the place of feeling good about it and moving on. But for here I’ll just put out a bit of my unsolicited opinion:
    Going on the assumption that what this commenter wrote is true, then she’s a fan. She reads you daily. She most likely projected her own experiences and tone onto your words while reading them. If what she took from it disappointed her, then every other post you’ve done was inspiring and encouraging to her (I think that’s a great record). And it’s clear from the rest of your commenters and other daily readers that we all love you exactly as you are, we’re all rather addicted to your love of life and hope some of it rubs off on us. My guess is that this woman is missing some of that in her life, so I’m glad she’s a reader of your blog. I hope she continues to read it and that all the love and positivity that you live overflowingly and share with us rubs off in her life and helps her seek out people who will love her fully.
    I feel blessed and better off by what I get out of everything you share, and I often wish I could give back to you in some way. At best I hope some of your hurt is eased knowing you have my, and so many others, understanding, support, and unconditional adoration!

    Like

  15. Angela Avatar
    Angela

    Wonderful post Elise.
    I adore your blog and i love reading about the art, the craft, the food, the decorating, the paper and everything wonderful you do.
    I also love reading about how you deal with the messy stuff and the hard stuff, you know- LIFE.
    Keep up the good work. You are an inspiration.

    Like

  16. Maxine Avatar

    What an amazing post. Obviously the first thing I saw was the photo and had to smile at the total love in both your faces. A complete ‘awww’ moment. I love photos like this.
    I think your bag is pretty big already. It’s wonderful to learn from a loving, supportive partner – even when they’re not with you.
    Hope the move goes well x

    Like

  17. Jen Avatar
    Jen

    Thank you for continually sharing your side of the deployment. I know all the things my husband had to do while I was gone, but your posts put it into more perspective and makes me appreciate how hard it was for him even more. My part was much easier in comparison. Being away from home wasn’t easy, and my job was not that much fun, but I didn’t have to deal with the small (and not so small) day to day stuff that can seem to pile up when you are used to sharing the tasks.
    Just remember, the deployment does have an end, and the two of you will be stronger after it is over.

    Like

  18. Skye Avatar

    LOVE this post, Elise! I always love reading about the 2 of you- you complement each other perfectly and it’s lovely. Kudos to you for looking at the positive side of Paul being away. I already think of you as a kick-ass independent woman- it’s great that you’re discovering you’re capable of even more things.

    Like

  19. Skye Avatar

    This is a beautiful comment. I feel the same way.

    Like

  20. Kerstin Avatar
    Kerstin

    A fabulous post. I am blessed by your sharing. I read lots of blogs– you and Ali Edwards daily, but rarely ever comment. For some reason, I couldn’t resist today. Then I saw the madness in the comments, and realized why something tugged at my heart to comment.
    Bless you in your marriage, Elise. Bless you in your struggles. Bless you in your blogging and your business. And bless you in your desire to move on from a comment from someone who saw something they didn’t like in your post. More than likely it is something they don’t like about themselves that was the driving force.
    You are indeed blessed- to be a person with the determination and creativity to handle all that life throws your way. And we, your readers, are blessed that you share all that life with us.
    With heartfelt gratitude, K

    Like

  21. Kelly and Nique Avatar

    I love your blog.
    It is the first thing I read everyday.
    Thank you.
    That is all.

    Like

  22. suzanne Avatar

    loved this and LOVE your blog!
    that’s all 🙂

    Like

  23. Lynnette Avatar

    Aww Elise, I loved this post. I felt the same way when my husband was deployed.
    Yes I could handle paying bills and fighting with the HOA and driving in the snow (although that WAS rather terrifying for this Nor Cal raised-girl living in Colorado, haha) but there were definitely moments when I really really missed having my teammate in life right there beside me.
    But the great thing is, not only does it allow you both to grow as individuals, but it gives you space to step back and be that much more appreciative of what each of you brings to the table when he does come back home. And I know that’s something that has definitely made our relationship that much stronger.
    So hang in there Elise! It seems to me like you’re doing an awesome job. : )

    Like

  24. Marcia (123 blog) Avatar

    I’m sad that she made you so cross. Hope you’re not wasting any more energy on her – but I do know it hurts… a lot.

    Like

  25. karinhope Avatar
    karinhope

    I feel like I have so much I want to say in response to your post and the difficult comment. If we were friends I’d be dying to call you up and talk through it and get to the place of feeling good about it and moving on. But for here I’ll just put out a bit of my unsolicited opinion:
    Going on the assumption that what this commenter wrote is true, then she’s a fan. She reads you daily. She most likely projected her own experiences and tone onto your words while reading them. If what she took from it disappointed her, then every other post you’ve done was inspiring and encouraging to her (I think that’s a great record). And it’s clear from the rest of your commenters and other daily readers that we all love you exactly as you are, we’re all rather addicted to your love of life and hope some of it rubs off on us. My guess is that this woman is missing some of that in her life, so I’m glad she’s a reader of your blog. I hope she continues to read it and that all the love and positivity that you live overflowingly and share with us rubs off in her life and helps her seek out people who will love her fully.
    I feel blessed and better off by what I get out of everything you share, and I often wish I could give back to you in some way. At best I hope some of your hurt is eased knowing you have my, and so many others, understanding, support, and unconditional adoration!

    Like

  26. Brianne Avatar
    Brianne

    As another daily reader who cannot get enough of your blog, I am offended with how RIDICULOUS Rosie sounded in her ignorant comment.
    this post showed what a fabulous team you and Paul are, not how incapable you are of “taking control of affairs in your adult life.” Rosie clearly doesn’t have a strong relationship like you and Paul do, and for that I feel sorry for her. Pay no attention to her stupid and ignorant words – you are an amazing person and don’t ever forget that.
    Thanks for being my favourite morning read every day! 🙂

    Like

  27. Jen Avatar
    Jen

    I don’t normally comment, but I couldn’t help with this one. As someone who thinks of herself as a hardcore feminist, I must say that this is a judgmental comment. The post wasn’t about Elise’s incapabilities, but coping with change and the fact that she went from a team to being on her own. It’s a completely natural feeling and it’s brave for her to share her experiences. I think as a WOMAN, we should show some sisterly love and support as opposed to calling someone pathetic. The whole point of feminism is that every woman has the right to live whatever lifestyle they choose and that includes being a housewife. She speaks her mind. They seem to be equal in the relationship. I think you just completely misunderstood her post so maybe you shouldn’t call someone “pathetic” and “embarrassing” when you really don’t even know or understand the situation fully.

    Like

  28. Jess Avatar

    good for you! i love that you are pointing out how much more fun it is to be a team and to conquer the world together. that’s how my husband and i are as well. thank you for all that you share. it inspires so many of us to push beyond our regular boundaries.
    blessings!

    Like

  29. Elaine Avatar
    Elaine

    Elise – this was a beautiful and inspiring post! I am shocked at “rosie’s” rude comments and think it was absolutely ridiculous. I felt so angry reading it myself I wanted to be able to reach through the virtual world and give you a big hug. You don’t deserve one ounce of her negative energy heaped on you. I am a fellow military wife and I know how it feels to send the one you love off to a war zone…you are absolutely an inspiration with what you share and all that you do. Keep being who you are and don’t let anonymous cowards change all the good that you’re doing.

    Like

  30. marta Avatar

    loved reading this, elise. moving is c-c-c-crazy. i’m so impressed you’re rockin’ it on your own. we’re, meaning this collective blog family, so proud of you. way to take control and take the lead.. even if it can be very very tough. think of how strong this is making you, paul and your marriage. keep it up.
    p.s. and send me your new address! xo.
    p.p.s. wow. just read that horrid comment. shame on her. people like that make blogging truthfully even harder than it already is. we’ve got your back.

    Like

  31. Susi Avatar

    Wow! I love your blog and the fact that you keep it real has helped me so much. I have been struggling with severe depression as an empty nester with a husband who is disabled from a spinal injury and I don’t know if I can express how much light and hope reading your blog gives me. Your response to that jealous, bitter comment showed class and great courage. Those are the people who raise the kids who go to school and bully other children. The cowardliness makes it 100 worse. Please know that you are amazing and so many of us can relate to what you were saying.

    Like

  32. Heather Avatar

    As another Navy wife, I just wanted to give you a big virtual high five. I took your post to be an explanation of how you and your spouse work as partners. But when your partner is gone, you expanded your skill set and get to work. Just like a business partnership where one is the CEO and the other is the CFO, each part of a relationship has certain skill sets. That doesn’t make either person less able…just different. And deployments make us expand those abilities (even into ones that we know aren’t in our top skill set…) {Also, I think people HIGHLY underestimate how difficult it is to do ANYTHING without the husband in this country…not because of ability but because of policy. I wanted to have a sunroom built on our house and Virginia law did not allow me authorize the building even though I had a power of attorney that gave me the legal authority to buy a whole new house. Navigating these challenges is what makes military spouses ROCK.}

    Like

  33. Heather V Avatar
    Heather V

    Elise,
    I read your blog everyday, but rarely comment. I find you to be such an inspiration! As a college student that is a bit apprehensive about entering the job market in today’s economy, it is so refreshing to see a young, successful, creative businesswoman like yourself making a living doing what you love.
    I can’t even fathom how difficult it would be for your spouse to be deployed. My boyfriend and I are complete opposites, and I love it because we complement each other so well – my strengths are in areas that may be weak spots for him and vice versa. It sounds like your marriage is very similar and works out well for you guys, too!
    I truly look forward to reading your posts each day and seeing what amazing project you come up with next. Thank you for being someone to look up to, and thank you even more for being brave enough to post honestly. It is very apparent that the difficult things you are facing in life are making you an even stronger person, and this is just one more thing to help hone that strength.

    Like

  34. Angie Avatar
    Angie

    What I’ve always wondered is why women are so dang hard on one another? I think you’re doing great! My husband and I have three kids and when he travels for his job it’s hard when he’s away. There is stuff I’m great at, but other stuff I can’t stand the thought of having to accomplish. When he is out of town, I have to/need to do them, I know how to. Sorry people r so mean. It is easier with help! The comment that had me in tears was the poster that said her mom was widowed at 39 with three kids. I cannot imagine that happening to me in two years. I pray I never experience that kind,of pain. Best wishes as you plan and pack for your move. I am sure Paul is SOOOO proud of you!

    Like

  35. france Avatar

    I’ve been so busy lately that haven’t checked your blog in a few days. It was hard to read what that lady wrote, perhaps because I couldn’t help but think of myself. It hurt me to read that. I hurt for you. Although I don’t describe myself as a housewife, it is what I am. I can’t change a tire, I’ve moved quite a few times and I actually think leases are tricky. We all do the best we can and need not offer any explanations. We do not desire nor require anybody’s approval, but our own.

    Like

  36. Dominique.- Avatar

    Lovely post! I’m a daily reader and had to comment. While i was reading it, i was listening ‘us against the world’ by Coldplay, you should hear it, beautiful song 🙂

    Like

  37. Kate Ware Avatar

    What a great idea for a mini!!

    Like

  38. Stephanie Avatar

    Hang in there, girl. Love ALL of your posts and thank you for sharing a bit of your life, even the personal moments. That takes courage and strength…very respectable qualities (which some people lack) 🙂

    Like

  39. Toni Brockliss Avatar

    You are gorgeous.
    I love your words.

    Like

  40. Pink Ronnie Avatar

    Elise, am new to your blog and loving it. I found this post particularly encouraging and admire you for not only enduring Paul’s absence but also your ability to take care of everything while he’s away. You are an amazing woman.
    Ronnie xo

    Like

  41. *Dream Weaver* Avatar

    i think its amazing that the both of you know each other’s strengths and how to work best together. it is also equally amazing that you have done this whole list of things which you normally would have done. it takes strength and patience to get through your list and i think you have done a wonderful job. I am sure your family and Paul are so proud of you.
    Btw, I love that photo of the both of you 🙂 it brings a smile to my face knowing that even from then, you were already so much in love. its just amazing.
    best of luck and prayers sent your way for a safe move and an awesome start to another new journey.

    Like

  42. Bernice Avatar

    I came to your blog hoping to gain some confidence from your pre-moving experiences as I’m getting ready to move in the next couple months, too. I wanted to comment on your “since Paul has been gone, I have…” post and tell you how much I admire your strength, confidence and competence to be able to do all those things by yourself. I’m planning this move with my husband and I’m definitely not pulling my weight so I just want to say how amazing you are for doing it all on your own.

    Like

  43. Debby S. Avatar
    Debby S.

    you are a strong and wonderful woman and we are all so lucky that you share a part of your life with us. be who you are – that is best quality.

    Like

  44. Jaime Evans Avatar

    I love this post. Going from being a team to having to do it all yourself is hard, but it can be done. I think you summed up this type of experience perfectly.

    Like

  45. Elaine Avatar

    “Rosie-” Ummmm. That’s OUTRAGEOUS! I literally can’t believe you even took the time out of YOUR pathetic day to write all that crap. Elise is one of the strongest girls on the internet these days and I’m pretty sure every blogger in America & beyond with a deployed husband is looking to her for encouragement right now. How dare you even suggest that she’s pathetic and incapable. Also, suggesting that she doesn’t have the know-how to FIGURE OUT how to change a tire is just stupid. Every couple has their roles divided out and I for one think this post was really amazing to read. Get over yourself, seriously.
    P.S. I always like to think that being involved in an online blogger community like this is a blessing, but then there are people like you.

    Like

  46. Varenikje Avatar
    Varenikje

    You can always get a signed power of attorney. That generally takes care of it.

    Like

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