enJOY it

Heard last night that I will not be going back for a final round with my top choice for a job right now.  Felt like my world got turned upside down.  These rejections hurt so much because once the opportunity is out there, I become a planner.  I convince myself that this is THE job.  This is THE city that i am going to live in.  This is THE only possible option for me to live a fabulous life.  And that is why it hurts SO BAD when I don’t get the chance.  Because I feel like I lost the job and the imagined lifestyle that was beginning to feel real.

So I think I cry over the fact that I have to build a new plan just as much as the loss of the position itself.

But last night, after I had got the tears to stop flowing — scratch that, after the girls had soothed me to the point of exhaustion — I wrote some stuff down:

This is
sad
a letdown
frustrating
disappointing

This is not
the end of the world
a measure of my value
the last opportunity
the last time I will fail
a reason to stop trying
unfair

[Company Name Here] is not the only place where I can
have fun
learn
grow
move up
earn money
make a difference
be creative

Tomorrow I will
do my best for [insert name of another company here]
email that PR lady
call [insert company name here]

Simple stuff, right?  Stuff I should always know, right?  Stuff I should always be reminding myself of.  This job search is rough.  And while I hope it is getting better, I fear it could get worse.